The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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