all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
