You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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