They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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