i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
