you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
