Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
