I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
