Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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