Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
