Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
