maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
