That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
