i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
