Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
