man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
