i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
