Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Your mouth is God's brothel.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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