Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
