I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
