walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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