At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
