...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
