I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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