my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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