Will you blow on my dice?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
