I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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