you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
