One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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