i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
