Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
