omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
