I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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