I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
