i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im six kinds of drunk right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
