Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
