I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
