I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
