Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
