he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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