If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
