Umm I'm too high to move.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
