I cannot find my penis.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need a burrito and a hug.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
