just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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