I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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