Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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