She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
