He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
