You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
