the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
